Sometimes the real issue is not the one on the surface. Five short steps to move from messy detail to a clear core, then a small next step you can act on.
1Scope
2Facts
3Impact
4Underneath
5Real issue
Step 1 of 5
What is this about
A quick scope check before you go in.
Pick what fits closest. You can always adjust later.
What is this mostly about
Me
Us
Work
Family
Health
Money
Time
Other
Is this one issue, or a bundle
One issue
A bundle
Not sure
Step 2 of 5
What is happening, just the facts
Describe what is going on, like a neutral person would see or hear it.
No interpretation yet. What happened, when, what was said or done.
Step 3 of 5
Why this matters
Name the impact, then what you want instead.
What is the cost to you, the relationship, the outcome, and what would good look like.
Step 4 of 5
What is underneath
What are you feeling right now, what do you need, what value matters here, what are you afraid of.
Often the real issue is about something the situation is threatening or denying you.
Step 5 of 5
The real issue, in one sentence
Specific, usable, something you can act on.
Saying it cleanly is half the work.
If this is mostly about you
The real issue is that I need [need or value] and I am not getting it because [specific barrier], so I will [small change I can control].
If this involves others
The real issue is the pattern of [pattern], the impact is [impact], the need underneath is [need], the next step is [small step].
Your summary
From surface to core
Scope
Facts
Impact
Underneath
The real issue
How confident are you that you will do that first small step