Phase 1
🧭 Your Shared Values
Even in separation, you often share important values. Identifying these creates a compass for decisions ahead.
- 🤝 Map your shared interests: children, respect, pets, finances, family ties
- 📌 Choose a guiding stance that anchors your process
“We will prioritise the kids” or “We commit to respect and honesty.”
Phase 2
💛 Reflecting and Letting Go
Take time to reflect on the relationship honestly. This is about acknowledging what was, not assigning blame.
- ✨ What I liked and appreciated
- 📝 What I found difficult
- 💎 Treasures I am taking with me (learnings, strengths)
- 🍂 What I am leaving behind (resentments, old patterns)
Optional: write a letter of acknowledgment and gratitude.
Phase 3
👪 Putting Children First
Children’s core question is: “Do I still have access to both parents?” Access comes first, before money or property.
- 📅 Use visual calendars so children know what to expect
- 💬 Keep messaging consistent between both homes
- 🔄 Create rituals at transitions (drop-offs, pickups)
- 🌿 The first 3 months are the most sensitive. Children may regress. This is normal.
Frame every decision through “What do the children need right now?”
Phase 4
🔧 Practical Systems
Clear systems reduce conflict. Set up tools that keep communication factual and organised.
- 📱 Shared calendars for parenting time, school, activities
- 📨 Texting for logistics only, not emotional processing
- 💰 Expense tracking apps to reduce financial disputes
- 📋 Interim financial agreements: child support, shared costs, housing
What are you aiming for financially? Stability, fairness, security for the children?
Phase 5
🛡️ Boundaries and Safety
Clear boundaries keep the process safe for everyone. Agree on ground rules early.
- 🚫 No late-night emotional texts
- ⏸️ Time-outs are allowed, with a return to your agreed stance
- 🔇 Some topics may be off-limits until emotions settle
- 👤 Neutral third parties can help with exchanges if needed
When things escalate, return to your guiding stance from Phase 1.
Phase 6
🕊️ Closure and Moving Forward
A symbolic act can help bring closure and honour what the relationship was.
- 💌 Letters of thanks and acknowledgment
- 🔑 Returning meaningful items
- 😭 A final conversation naming what is honoured and what is ending
- 🗓️ Set a review cadence: weekly, fortnightly, or monthly check-ins
You are done when both feel heard, children are stable, and practical systems are working.
Weeks 1-2
Access to children, schedule, exchanges
Weeks 2-8
Finances, support, expenses, budget
0-3 months
Housing, living arrangements
1-3 months
Childcare, school communications
3-6 months
Calendars, holidays, logistics
6-12 months
Long-term finances, future planning
